Everything’s OK … or at least it’s gonna’ be

By Victoria Hardina | gargoyle@flagler.edu

In one week I will be a senior at Flagler College. To be specific, I will be 18 and a senior at Flagler College. Usually I get mixed reactions when I tell people this. Most are surprised, many are in awe, but lately the response I get the most is, “You are crazy!”

I’m starting to think they’re right.

I started college when I was 15. In Clearwater they have a program called Early College that allows students who score high enough on testing to start college early. The credits from classes go towards an associates degree in arts, and a high school diploma. Best of all, it was free college and an easy ticket out of the hell called high school.

Life has always moved too slow for me. I am always living in the past, or trying to live in the future. Everything I do today I do only so it will benefit me for tomorrow. That is why I enrolled in Early College. I always wanted to be one step ahead of the game.

Now that I am, I wish I would have chosen to go with the flow. Why was rushing to be done with college so important anyway?

With a year of school left before I get my bachelor’s, I can’t help but want to slow down time. I’m not ready for college to be over. There is so much more learning and growing that I want to experience.

The pressure to be the best at whatever I do has always weighed me down. That is what drove me to start college so early, and that is what is pushing me to continue on with school after I receive my bachelor’s.

The pressure doesn’t end there, though. Sitting in Dr. Helena Sarkio’s Writing for Mass Communication class the other morning, I was overwhelmed once again with the weight of needing to take on more. Sarkio was suggesting to the students how important it is to add another major, or at least take on multiple tracks for your major. She said that in this economy, we need to be as marketable as possible. The best way to do this is by being educated in as much material as we can. The gears in my brain started turning immediately as I went through the list of majors and which one I should pick up next.

Psychology? Not interested. Business? Too many numbers. History? No way.

I couldn’t think of another major to take on and that caused me to panic. Now I will never get a job, no one will hire a girl with only one major and minor. All of these irrational thoughts were racing through my brain It also caused me to look at my past. What could I have done to better prepare for this?

I don’t have a great answer for that question. Or maybe it’s not about questioning it. Maybe it’s time I put to rest all of this “could have, should have, would have,” nonsense. Instead of asking, what I could have done better, it’s time to start asking, what do I want to do right now?

Even better: What will make me happy?

This past year I have been speeding on cruise control, racing way too fast through life. It’s time to slow down, take a stretch, and not always trying to be the best. Because let’s face it — I’m not perfect, and that’s OK.