The life of a coffee major

Ashley Emert, Assistant A&E Editor

By Ashley Emert

In the past few weeks, I have noticed a significant change in my life: I have become quite the caffeine addict. I’ve always been a soda drinker, but now I have a new poison of choice, and that is the sweet nectar of the Starbucks gods — coffee. Preferably a café mocha, but since it’s the holiday season, I’ve been leaning more toward the much-revered peppermint mocha.

I blame this on my major. The stress and fast-paced journalism world is already wearing down on me and I’m only halfway through college. We joke in the Gargoyle lab about how com majors tend to have the sickest (as in “most twisted,” not “coolest”) sense of humor, but that it’s only to keep from crying and being depressed all the time about the terrible events in the world.

Now I can tell these messed-up jokes much faster and in a more crazed fashion. I can also surf YouTube more quickly as my nimble little fingers race over the keyboard to find more cracked-out cartoons like the “Salad Fingers” series. Hurrah for caffeine!

I first realized my intense addiction last week when I was researching in the library. I had a pang of sleepiness and my honest-to-goodness first reaction was, “I need coffee.” What has my brain come to when that is my first thought when I’m tired? Shouldn’t it be, “Wow, I could sure go for a solid eight hours of sleep”?

I am currently sitting in one of the Proctor’s many computer labs, writing this piece and downing a Mountain Dew. With the four hours of sleep that I got this morning, I’m basically at the “delirious” level of the sleep deprivation mountain. Ever the persistent com major, I am still cranking out some journalistic assignments.

I’m looking forward to winter break when I don’t have to drink a tall café mocha to get through the day. Instead I’ll just get to deal with holiday-crazed tourists at my job at Downtown Disney. … On second thought, maybe I shouldn’t set aside my addiction just yet.

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