A Different Perspective on Recovery: A Former Addict Rediscovers Himself

By Kaia Wright

A former addict is not the poster child you would expect to lead people to recovery. Yet Robert Gray not only just chose recovery, but also a lifelong commitment to helping others do the same.

After spending years stacking up one wrong act after another and running away from himself and his addiction, he decided to face it. This caused Gray to have a unique philosophy on how to go through the recovery process, focusing on finding yourself first.

“Addicts do a lot of things they said they would never do because of drug use. You kind of lose sight of who you are, so you have to cover yourself and mask it because you can’t even face yourself,” Gray said.

Addiction led him to where he is now, Space Coast Recovery in Brevard County, Florida, where as a former attendee of the rehab center, he now serves as a counselor and residential program manager.

Gray said that after being addicted for so long, you almost lose your moral compass, compromising your values and doing things you never thought you would do.

“I was 17 in high school,” he said. “It started as partying and hanging out, and went from partying to addiction.”

Addiction was not something completely new to Gray. His mother also had a history of addiction, which greatly affected him and his family.

“My mom was never really there for me and my sisters. I promised myself if I ever had kids that I couldn’t do that because I knew how that felt,” he said.

After becoming a father himself, Gray’s addiction caused him to break this promise, placing him in jail when his daughter was only 3 months old.

“I missed a big portion of the first year of her life,” Gray said.

Yet there’s still one story that Gray remembers as the defining moment for him. Bringing him to the realization that recovery was truly his only option.

Gray remembers a defining moment, one he always shares when talking about the impact of his addiction – the night his wife and daughter were barricaded in a room hiding from him.

“The two people I was supposed to protect most in the world, the two people that matter most that I’m supposed to provide for and love and show compassion, that night there was no one they were more afraid of than me,” he said

This changed his view of himself and his addiction. For Gray, if he didn’t choose recovery for himself and his family, he was going to lose what he loved most.

“Realizing this was the opposite of what I want to be. That was a big realization for me,” Gray said. “I was going to become the opposite of what I wanted if I didn’t figure out how to stop using drugs.”

Yet, the early stages of recovery are not a straight line in any sense, especially not for Gray.

“You’re a big ball of mess … In the early stages, you have to stop using drugs and start to face your past, and start cleaning it up. You go through the 12 steps, getting all the blinders and pain and baggage off. Then you have a new blank canvas to build on,” he said.

He found sobriety through Space Coast Recovery and now serves there counseling others who have been in his shoes. His unique and personal connection has allowed him to connect with others on a deeper level.

Gray hasn’t just had an impact on the many students who come through Space Coast, but on his coworkers as well.

“He’s super inspirational,” said Darla Williams, one of Gray’s coworkers. “I went back and got my bachelor’s of science because he came into my office and asked when I was going to do it.”

Gray said that people like him have the choice to find themselves again, and find an identity separate from addiction. To take the blinders off and make a new life for themselves.

“You can start remembering and deciding who you want to be and how you want to go through this life… and that’s a journey,” he said.