Commandment 1: Thou shalt not befriend those you’ve never met before. It makes thou a creeper.
Everyone wants to make friends, but it’s best to meet them in real life. One of the disadvantages of Facebook is that it’s possible to lose that personal touch. It’s best not to become absorbed with technological friendships. It’s not healthy.
Commandment 2: Thou shalt not be afraid to reject others.
When Joe Somebody “friends” someone he has never met, it is OK for that person to reject his friend request. For those scared it might cause a scene, simply say: “I only accept friends who are fellow Taoists. Confucius say so. Sorry, man.”
Commandment 3: Thou shalt not cyber-stalk. Ever.
Sure the hot new soccer star said “Hi” to you in the hallway, but that doesn’t mean he is giving you an open invitation to dig through his life. When talking to people you stalk on Facebook, try to seem interested in what they have to say. So when Johnny says he loves Kid Rock don’t respond by saying, “Oh, I know.”
Commandment 4: Keep thy applications and personal information to a minimum.
No one likes to scroll for five minutes to get to your wall. Limit your big pictures and flair. It’s over-said, but potential employers check your Facebook. So posting the photos of the keg stand you did this weekend is probably not the best idea. Instead, post pictures of yourself volunteering with children and doing your homework. That way you look like a nice, dependable person.
Commandment 5: Thou shalt not sendeth thy friends 15 million bumper sticker requests.
If your first bumper sticker request was denied, why would you waste your time with 20 more requests? Just because you have five hours to devote to searching for the perfect bumper sticker(s) doesn’t mean your friends have that kind of time. They are out volunteering with kids and doing their homework.
Commandment 6: Dost thou realize thou art being annoying when thou changes thy status 10 times a day?
No one wants to know when you are showering or are going running. No one wants to know about, and be jealous of your Pizza Hut experience. Keep everyday narration to a minimum. Give the big updates like, “I recently gained the freshman 15,” or “I’m pregnant.” Talking about other people in your status is also a no-no. Your status is about you, that’s why it’s called YOUR status.
Commandment 7: Dost thou really need to post the same type of photos?
Sift through the bad ones. If you’re not looking at the camera, skip those. You can also cross the line and post too many pictures of the basic same shot. Facebook is a socializing network, not a shrine to yourself. When you’re in a pool, don’t caption it saying “Us in the pool.” Your viewers have eyes. Thank you, Captain Obvious.
Commandment 8: Thou shalt not be too hasty in posting thy relationship information.
Don’t, under any circumstances, dedicate your Facebook to your significant other. Don’t let Facebook tell the world you two broke up before you have a chance to tell your best friend. How cruel is it that as soon as you are not in a relationship anymore your news feed says “Hector is no longer in a relationship.” It’s like a blazing torch to your singleness.
Commandment 9: Be brave. Know when it is thy time to defriend.
Sure it might offend them, but when you haven’t talked to the person you sat next to three years ago in math class it’s time to pull the plug. If one day you look at your news feed and wonder, “Who ARE these people?” then it is time to cut the cords of friendship. It’s like a Band-Aid just rip it off quickly and hope no blood comes out.
Commandment 10: Thou shalt not engage in inter-wall cat fights.
A public Web site is not the place to conduct a private spat. No one else needs to know your business. Also there is no need to write a novel on someone’s wall. Instead send a message. That way it is private, and there is no word limitation.