By Kerry Takach | firstname.lastname@example.org
Everyone fakes it.
What’s the harm in faking, you ask? It makes you a liar. However, not every fake is a bad one. Personally, dyed hair, whitened teeth and silicone do not particularly bother me.
Lying to parents is also acceptable when being caught in a compromising position — just don’t forget which lie you used. It is when certain types of insincerity cause undue harm to the victim that I have a bone to pick.
Almost everyone has lied when asked, by a friend, “does this make me look fat?” Though great for ensuring a satisfied and un-offended friend, it almost always backfires.
Once an honest stranger comments on the unflattering “muffin top” the jeans, your friend becomes your foe. Other symptoms include an insecure friend who refuses to trust you, an angry friend who retaliates by lying to you on a daily basis or, in extreme cases, a friend who sneaks calorie-heavy snacks into your diet granola box and claims you don’t look fat.
The key to navigating the treacherous waters of loaded questions is all about creative wording. No one wants to be lied to or insulted. Clothes don’t cause weight gain, blame that on the late-night snacking and all-day sloth.
Clothes can be unflattering, not age appropriate, or just plain heinous.
Be rude to the clothes, the designer, even the dryer for shrinking that once fabulous cashmere sweater, but be kind to your fashion victim of a friend. They’re asking for help, not a Joan Rivers, red-carpet cut down.
When my friends wander down the road to worst-dressed list I offer suggestions for other, more appropriate, garments. Sometimes midnight bonfires become necessary when the offending fashion item is of a certain level of disgusting.
So next time you’re asked about the possible weight gain or body part enlarging an ensemble has caused, don’t lie, just blame the right offending party.