Does chivalry still exist?
By Phil Grech | gargoyle@flagler.edu
Everything has an expiration date, no matter how filled with preservatives. Milk. Veggie burgers. Canned goods. Pasta in a box accompanied by questionable powder mix. And apparently even chivalry.
Yes, we’ve all heard chivalry is dead. Passed away like a forgotten old man clutching onto expired beliefs. Expired like a dairy product that is now someone’s science experiment in the back of the fridge.
The Internet’s most reliable source, Wikipedia, states that chivalry is “the traditional code of conduct associated with the medieval institution of knighthood.” But chivalry means something else to us, if only because there aren’t a lot of knights around holding doors for women.
I have to wonder: has chivalry really passed away? Where is it buried? And if it hasn’t passed away, where is it exactly? In hiding? Guantanamo Bay? I still see men buying flowers and holding doors for the women they adore, so is this just another case of “things were better when I was a kid?”
A female friend complained to me recently that guys just don’t seem to care anymore. I could understand where she was coming from, but I think we had to fine tune the question. Do guys care? What does caring mean? What is this thing called chivalry anyway?
That’s what I wanted to find out, so I asked a few people to help me.
Tori Warenik, a 2011 Flagler graduate, related back to the original definition of chivalry and brought in a feminist perspective: “Chivalry can’t be a bad thing, right? Having men open doors, pulling over on the side of the road to help a fellow human, sticking up for someone who is being subjugated, none of this is bad and all of these examples are chivalrous to me. But why does chivalry have to be relegated to men alone? Can women not be chivalrous, even though the original definition in no way included women?”
But what if chivalry hasn’t died; it has just changed?
Jacqueline Dautel, a 2012 Flagler graduate, said, “The classical idea of chivalry is dead because classical scenarios are dead. I always think of the gentleman who lays down his coat for a lady to step over a puddle when I think of chivalry. That certainly doesn’t happen anymore … It isn’t dead; it has just morphed into new little acts of kindness. My boyfriend still opens the car door for me every time we get in so I believe some old forms of chivalry definitely still exist. But it is changing as people change.”
Caroline Young, who finished her degree from Flagler in journalism in 2011, took a more traditionalist approach: “I think in many aspects, it is dead. I am a firm believer in traditions. I believe a man should pursue a woman and gain her respect, and in turn, the woman will gain the man’s; however, females seem to have lost respect for our bodies and ourselves and like to give into our animal instincts faster than ever. I laugh when i hear girls say a guy stopped talking to them after they slept with them on the first date, so, I’m not going to blame males for chivalry’s decline. However, I believe chivalry can be revived from couple to couple, person to person.”
Erin Baker Bratic, wittily commented on chivalry: “[Chivalry is] … maybe not dead, but living in a low rent apartment outside Vegas and searching the couch cushions for change; maybe not dead, but in a rather sad state for the most part, in my opinion. I have become more aware of this as I have gotten older, so maybe I’m just cranky. Having been pregnant several times and being on public transportation in big cities and standing while young men all around me were sitting, pushing strollers toward store doorways while a man walks through right in front of me, and then lets the door slam behind him, and my personal favorite, waiting in line with my number at a supermarket deli while an older man bypasses the numbers and heads directly to the counter, not bothering to ask if some of us standing around were next in line. Some of it is just basic manners and the world is hurting because of a lack of such, in my opinion. Luckily I married someone chivalrous. When we go on family vacations, Alan [her husband] drives, which I appreciate. He does all the heavy lifting and ‘man stuff,’ respecting both my strengths as well as my more delicate sensibilities as a female. He makes me feel safe and that is chivalry to me.”
You may have noticed that only women responded to my call for questions regarding chivalry. That’s because only women responded to my call for questions. One more strike against men? I’ll let you decide.
With the diversity of opinions I got from everyone, I’m not sure what to think of chivalry. While everyone has their own opinion on what chivalry is, it seems to boil down to treating other people respectfully.
I’m not a fortune teller, but I would venture so far as to say that both men and women will be holding the door for each other, behaving politely, and performing random acts of kindness for one another for years to come, even if a few people grumble that it doesn’t happen anymore.
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While the word “chivalry” may have been put to rest as gender roles have changed, I think what was gained is ultimately greater than the concept of chivalry. Knowledge.
Chivalry enforces behaviors that define the proper “male” and “female” roles in the relationship. But I can’t help but think these roles are a little bogus. Because you are a man, you are not ONLY strong, heroic and noble. In fact, you may not nessecarily be any of those things. You may actually enjoy the arts. And women are not all helpless, weak and innocent. Chivalry implies that those rigid gender roles are still in place and when theyre just not anymore. We’re not as uninformed as our ansestors, who thought women were good for a set of things and men were good for a set of things and the two couldnt intermingle. because people aren’t really like that. because were not that black and white. Am I less of a woman because I decide I want to use my brain instead of ignore that I have one? Are you less of a man because you can appreciate art?
It’s considered chivalrous for a man to pay for a woman’s meal if they are out on a date. and you know what, if a man decides that he would like to pay for my meal when we are on a date, I would think that was very sweet of him. but for me to go in to that, expecting that he is going to do that for me, is sort of the same as a man expecting that because I am a woman, I am not equipped to work for the same company as him. Turns out, women can hold their own in a lot more apparati than what was believed when the concept of chivalry came about. and I’m not challenging that there are things that men are better at than women, as there are things that women are better at than men. but I would much rather have a man buy me dinner, knowing that I could pay for my own, but because he wants to treat me–rather than a man pay for my dinner because an outdated concept told him he had to.
Chivalry is still kept alive by some:
http://www.chivalrynow.net/
Why is this categorized as news?
Chivalry is dead. It died when women wanted to be on an even keel with men in the workplace, so when I hold a door open for a woman and get a dirty look because I am demeaning them, I just shrug. You wanted equality, well, carry your own heavy load, ladies, because that is what it means. You can’t look down on men who don’t relinquish their seats and still expect to be called equals. I relinquish my seat for the elderly and the pregnant or disabled, (someone in discomfort) etc. I am not going to stand for a woman to sit just because she is a woman. You can’t pick and choose when chivalry applies.
I still open the door, for people, I still show respect, for people. Respect is what is dying, not some outdated code between knights and lasses. Where does the lack of respect stem? That should be your next article.
In short, Chivalry is not Respect. There is a huge lack of respect in this country, and it exists because people are afraid to stand up and shame others. If someone cuts me in line at the deli, I don’t care what gender, age etc. they are, they are going to get the brunt of my disgust.