While a snowy holiday can be nice, some prefer a warm Winter
By Erica Eding | firstname.lastname@example.org
The holiday season can be an argumentative time of year. I’ve seen customers confront store clerks when they wish them “happy holidays” instead of a “merry Christmas.” I know parents who refuse to lie to their children about Santa Claus, and see him as a symbol of greed and capitalism.
Personally, I’ve found something else to be offended by. What’s with the geographical discrimination? All this talk of snow ball fights, sleigh rides and Frosty the Snowman leaves us Floridians feeling left out.
I think the modern day concept of Christmas must have been created by a northeastern tourism board. I don’t understand why getting frostbite and being awakened by snowplows at 5 a.m. means you’re celebrating the holidays.
Florida has a lot to offer this time of year. It may be the only place on earth where you can buy Christmas cards featuring Rudolph wearing a Hawaiian shirt and sipping a piña colada.
Just because I’m a Floridian doesn’t mean I’m biased towards a sunnier holiday season. I lived in New York for five years. The North had its chance to impress me with its holiday spirit. Instead, I spent Christmas morning trying to sit as close to the fire as I could without igniting my pajamas.
This year, I will spend December 25 in a much more pleasant manner. Northerners can have all the snow and cold weather they want. I will be cruising around my grandparents’ palm tree-lined retirement community on a tricycle. That’s the Florida lifestyle.
I’ll race past the shuffleboard court at four, maybe even five miles per hour. My grandma’s tricycle and I will weave in and out of retirees who are wearing their Christmas-themed visors. If I’m feeling rebellious I may knock down a flamingo lawn ornament or two.
So any of you who are headed to the frozen north for the holidays, you don’t have to worry about us Floridians. We won’t be offended by your discriminatory carols, snow globes or chimneys. We’ll be having a very merry Christmas in paradise.
Also, if anyone knows how to attach a set of reindeer antlers to a tricycle helmet, please let me know.