As a non-sports person, I will say that I do like ¨fútbol¨ or in the US as everyone knows it as soccer.

I will always refer to soccer as fútbol in my life, so when I offend anyone discussing the horrible sport I call ¨American Football,¨ please forgive me and move on quickly. I mean, the only time you kick the damn ball is for kick off–you pretty much cheat the entire time by running around holding a pigskin ball around a field along with a bunch of men wearing tights. And some of those men, (actually I will say) ALL of those men in AF are the fattest group of people ever. It´s disgusting.

Anyhow, as I was saying, fútbol (Spanish translation of the word Football for those of you that are that inept) is fun to watch because they use their feet and their heads–literally. I don´t know any other sport that has the ability to really pop the ball with your head across the entire field or to even make a goal. It´s amazing.

Another thing is that the players (jugadores in Spanish) are the hottest men to walk the earth. They are so gorgeous that they singe the grass every single time they take a step or are running all over the field with the nice muscle-y legs and nice chests. And fútbol players are the only players that I know of that will invite girls to watch or otherwise play a match with them in the hopes of getting their numbers or otherwise, an attempt to make a goal into what Sarah and I like to call ¨our goal boxes.¨

What else can I say about fútbol?

A lot.

The Ticos, in fact, any Latino will tell you that they aren´t crazy about fútbol. But that is such a lie. I can tell you for a fact that during the inauguration game of WC 06, with the game between Germany and Costa Rica, my Tico family, namely my (gorgeous) Tico brother and our dad were very emotional, especially when the Ticos scored two points and then later on when they lost. I can also say that the last game that Costa Rica played against Ecuador (word up to my homies!) was another emotional one for my Tico brother. He had asked me before the game, in Spanish of course, “Who are you going to cheer for?” He expected me to say CR since I am staying in the country at the moment, but because I´m half-Ecuadorean, I squeaked “um….Ecuador?” And he raised his eyebrow and said, “You´re going to lose!”

Yeah, well, who do you think took the cake?

Ecuador! After winning the game 3-0, I went up to my brother and asked him, “So, Victor, who´s your momma now?! Which country has the best players and the hottest women with green eyes?” All in jest, however. But ever since, there has been a small rivalry between us. And that makes the tension just a little better.

A few more things I have learned about fútbol here is what their favorite word is–goal. But in Spanish, it´s spelled “gol” and when the broadcaster has just realized that a goal has occurred, he will say–GGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, for like five minutes straight. It´s awesome.

You can be walking down the sidewalk here and realize that there is not a soul around because there is a game on TV or at the stadium and when those games end, and depending on if it was on TV or at the stadium—FIND COVER!!!!

As I mentioned earlier, the Ticos are crazy about fútbol and they will come out of their houses, work, cars and the stadium screaming in delight or rage about the game. They will jump up and down like monkeys at the zoo and screech and pound their fists in rage or they will jump around and kiss everyone and everything, like the bums and their dogs on the streets. Everything that you were working on before the end of the game has to stop because perish the thought that you do anything productive during or after the game–you are considered unethical and strange if you do not watch the game or otherwise participate in the above mess and confusion of “What-Just-Happened-Did-We-Lose-Or-Win-Or-Was-Our-Team-Even-Playing-No-It-Was-Brasil-Playing-But-That´s-Okay-Cause-It´s-Still-A-Fútbol-Game” I am not joking when I describe this. Pure chaos emerges from just a fútbol game, even violence which is really sad because, guess what folks, it´s not the end of the world, it´s just a game.

So, hopefully, I have all enlightened you all about some of the lovely cultural experiences that I´ve experienced and will experience some more later on when I decide to come back here another time.

And I will come back and when I do, I´ll be wearing an Ecuadorean flag or something along those lines just to spite the Ticos.

Amazing!

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